Recently I watched as one of my close friends (boy) chatted with another one of my friends (girl). Given that our friend circles are so intertwined, I assumed the too were well acquainted with one another. I was shocked when at the end of the conversation Girl said to Boy, "well it was nice to meet you, what was your name again?"
I was surprised that they hadn't met before. I feel like I'm surrounded by these two all the time. Boy later explained to me that they had met like 10+ times before, and have had the same conversation every time and yet she still can't remember.
This is one of my favorite things about Provo, or life in general, is people's inability to remember other people they have met. Unfortunately I have this symptom. If you ask a close friend of mine, he'd easily be able to rattle off over ten times when I had to turn to him and ask, "do I know this person?" "have we met them before. It makes me hate myself because I feel like a rude, inconsiderate dick whenever I don't remember someone's name. I feel like it's perceived as, "well, he thinks to highly of himself that he can't remember other people. I don't like him anymore" That is sad.
Certain things are in play when it comes to introductions,
1) Are you attracted to the person you're meeting? If yes, odds are you're going to remember their name. When you're attracted to someone, you're not only going to remember their name, but you'll probably also stock their social media, learn all about them, and maybe even add them at the slight chance of generating conversation again. And then when you talk to them again you have to restrain from asking them about their visit to Texas which is something you saw in one of their pictures.
Ex:
Once I met a girl that I thought was gorgeous. We talked for about a half hour the first time we met. I thought it went well. Obviously she didn't because she didn't remember any part of it the next time we met. This happened like 6 times. I should've been upset but each time I met her it gave me another chance to make a first impression and get her to like me. It eventually worked in the sense that we went on a date
2) Sometimes you have to forget someone's name because you're playing a game.
In the above example, when it became evident that the girl wasn't aware that we had already met, I had to play it off like we were complete strangers too so I didn't seem like such a weirdo. I had to ask questions I already knew the answer to, like "where are you from?" "what are you studying?"
It's stupid but effective. If I were to say something like, "c'mon, we've met already, don't you remember?" she'll say no and we'll have to have the conversation over again anyway. Plus in the second scenario, she's already put off by that statement. Like she teaches herself, "oh if I did meet this guy and not remember him, then I'm probably not interested. I'll stay uninterested."
another game is intentional forgetting:
once my friend was talking to me about a girl that I had just met. Apparently she had asked about me BY NAME. Then, when I met her next, she played the, "Remind me of your name…" I was thinking, "honey please, I know darned well that you remember my name." In this instance it worked against her because of what my friend told me. Usually this strategy works in her favor, almost telling the guy to work harder and make a better impression. I didn't in this case because I knew she already knew my name.
3) Someone has an extremely ethnic/difficult name:
Sometimes we hear names that we know we're going to instantly forget it. Like my friend Ouzhan Kalantari. Because people don't like asking others to repeat themselves, they won't ask for clarification on difficult names. Instead, they'll hope they just don't have to repeat this persons name and probably use words like, "dude," "man", "bro", "you"
4) Names get forgotten because they're spelled weird or pronounced weird.
This happens in my life a lot because I don't want to pronounce someone's name wrong. In Utah, since their are 200 different ways to pronounce each common name. I personally will hear the name, get worried I'm not going to pronounce it incorrectly so avoid using it altogether, and then since I'm not using it I'll forget it. So sorry to all the keslie's kelsie's kellysies klesies and kelessies of the world
5) sometimes people are just stupid. stupid people don't remember anything names included.
Has everyone seen the movie the testaments? Remember the scene when Jacob is finally talking to his crush Laneah? At the end of their conversation, as she's about to leave, she turns and says, "you did not ask my name…" Jacob responds, "I know your name." This is so pimp! Why can't we just be like Jacob and screw the games and garbage?
Names are tough. I promise I'll try harder and I apologize to everyone who's had to reintroduce themselves to me multiple times.
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